Every destination we reach is an opportunity to open a new door.
I noticed today that when I completed my coaching training and began developing relationships with paying clients, a part of my subconsciousness decided, “This is it! I have arrived.”
Although I have a long established habit of ‘self-actualization’ work using different methods with an interesting variety of teachers, becoming vulnerable as a coach caused an inner response whereby I closed off a part of myself. I ‘ activated some kind of ‘self protection mode’.
I had sealed off this chamber by listening to a voice that said “You deserve to relax after all the work you’ve done.”
The problem is, that the part of me that I’ve sequestered away, is the very part of me that produces my best work! It is from this deep place within that generates my most profound insights, and contains the spark of daring which gets me to try new ways of being and doing.
Closing the door on this essentially creative part of myself creates an enigma. I begin looking to outside events and conditions for the cause of my perceived problems. When I transfer responsibility to people or places outside myself, I take away my choices…. and begin to live as a victim of circumstance. Perhaps not in any great or significant ways, but just in the little attitudes and grumblings that go on beneath the surface; like the negative self-talk and blaming thoughts when things don’t go the way I think they should. It’s like an insidious itch I can’t quite stop scratching.
Abdicating responsibility for the creation of my life by looking to outside sources as the cause of my circumstances is a losing proposition. And herein we find the the meaning of the word ‘sorcerer’; the magician who understands the very wellspring of his or her personal power is contained within. Being connected to our true source is an outward projection of our inner condition, our inner beliefs.
Years ago I undertook transformational work with Brian Klemmer. It was he who first helped me to understand that the reason I don’t want to be a victim is that it removes all my choices to be anything else. So long as I identify with outward circumstances as being the cause of the quality of my life, I give away my power, and render myself powerless.
It is in this very moment, when I believe myself powerless, that the key to my personal power is available. I can free myself from being caught in the undertow, and grab the life raft of making a better choice in this moment.
This challenge of shifting focus from being ‘lost at sea’ to taking a small step towards liberation from perceived problems, shows up in greater and lesser degrees. It’s the great mystery; and, paradoxically, the source of both my discontent, and my greatest achievements. For when I have that aha! moment when I choose to become curious instead of believing myself to be a victim of circumstance, I alter the course of my destiny, which is solely my responsibility.
“Ask and it shall be given you. Seek and you shall find. Knock and it shall be opened unto you.” (Matt 7:7)
I must have been asking, seeking and knocking, for today I stand before the open door of understanding. The part of me I have been shutting away under the guise of ‘deserving relaxation’ is really the essence of my inspiration, the source of my most creative work, my best service, my best attitude.
In tandem with Winter Solstice and first day of the ascension of the sun, and the Christmas season of the renewal of the Christ consciousness within each of us, I invite you to open the door to your most inner self… get curious about what you’ve been keeping hidden in there; bring it out, let the light of it guide your path to greatness this year.
Shalom, and be well.
Photo Credit: UvW / Entrance gate by: http://www.stacybeamer.com